Five Years ago my life changed with a mind numbing crack. Today I'm something much different than what I used to be. I used to be able to run, jump, throw the ball with my kids. I used to catch the waves, wrestle with my dogs, and was making grand plans to go Kite Surfing on the Mexican Gulf Winds. To say I was physically fit would be an understatement. Then it all ended and had to begin all again.
I was an adrenaline junky. That's the basic word to say what I was. In my neighborhood, when I was a kid, we would fight each other just for kicks. Sometimes with boxing gloves but most of the time it was just tape around our knuckles. I was small for my age which just made me that much more tougher. I would always pick the biggest guy to fight and I always gave more than I got. Still, there was one time when I got cocky. I turned my back, raised my fists, then I went to turn back around, and the kid nailed me good in the jaw. I flew backwards and was knocked out. When I got up the kid was on top of me just going to work on my face. By the time they got him off me I looked pretty bad. Looking at us both you wouldn't know who had won but I knew in my heart. I had lost because I had gone cocky. I would never make that mistake again.
In the Army I would laugh as I was firing my weapon. I loved the sound of the explosions that rumbled the ground and would lift me off the ground just a bit. The rush of the adrenaline was better than you can imagine. The spur of it going through my body, refocusing me unlike one could imagine, I didn't give a hell about the bullets... This was my high.
Being home was kind of a hell in itself. I would sleep for twenty four or more hours on the first day I was back. I would be home for a week before I could feel the change beginning to take place in my blood. My thoughts would get dull, my senses would grow stale, everything was boring, and the longer it went the more I wanted to be in the field. It wasn't that I wanted the Rush... It was that I needed the Rush and the longer the time away from it the worst off I got. I would drink more than one could imagine to try and stave off the craving but in the end I would volunteer for almost anything to get back the Rush.
One day I remember it my Platoon Sargent took me aside. "Look Burnham. You have a decision to make about reenlisting. You have a family to think of and I want you to think hard. You do this for four more years you are going to end up dead and then who is going to take care of your kid?"
Thus ended my career. I put my wife and my kid over my life in the Army. That still didn't take care of the Rush. Sometimes when I was alone I would push the car to it's limit. A 125 and the car would grow silent and just glide. I picked a career that seemed to be the best for me. I got paid to save lives what is better than that. Sometimes, I would get a person who was really bad off. The Rush would hit me like you couldn't imagine and everything I did would be like magic. I once had a guy who shot off part of his face. Nobody wanted to place the tube but once the Rush hit me I did what I had to do. At least once a week the Rush would take over. Sometimes it would seem to go on forever.
Then I broke my back and it was over. I became trapped in a body that felt more like a prison. I began to read everything I could get my hands on. Anything or everything I could do to try and get my mind over being bored. Then one day my Doctor prescribed me Norco and with one pill The Rush started over. I felt it flow over me like it once used to. My mind would suddenly become as sharp as a whip. I felt energized beyond what I could really describe. With one pill the Norco gave me the Rush I loved. The problem with Norco was that over time my body would adapt. The one pill became two and then three and then four. Soon I was taken Sixteen or Seventeen at a time. Then one day my body just refused to adjust. I ended up in the hospital. I almost killed my liver.
I went cold Turkey off the Norco the next day. Almost six weeks of flu like symptoms was what I got for it. I would get cold and at the same time be hot. I would shake and then throw up. By the time I was done I stated I didn't want to go through this ever again.
After a couple of years, I was reordered Norco. It had been a long time since me and The Rush had gotten to know each other. One pill, then two, then three, and then four. This time I knew what I was in for so when I talked to the Doctor we drew up a plan. I would go cold turkey for two days at tops then he would replace the drug with another and would wean me off. Not a problem and that is exactly what we did.
It's been one year since that time. I was ordered a new medicine and I got it just today. When I put it in my mouth there was a jolting heart pounding kick. Fireworks lit up my sky, my mind was a whip, the Rush is back with a fever, and though I can't walk doesn't change the fact that I feel like Superman. It's been way to long since me and the Rush have gotten together. If I could walk I would run. I would jump over the moon, I would fly into the sky. I wonder this time if it will be one pill, two pills, three pills, or four before I tell my Doctor I can't do this anymore. Till then I'll reacquaint myself with the Rush. I'll go outside and work on my car. Pains just a thing. I might even get up and try to walk. Been doing good I'm up to about twenty steps. With the Rush at my back I may just end up doing forty or more.
One pill, two pills, three pills, and maybe more. I won't get as bad as the time I was on Norco but I'm not saying I'm not taking the pills tomorrow. Few things bring me comfort like this. The pain is gone, my mind feels clear and sharp, and I feel stronger than I've felt in a very long time. Is the Rush a bad thing? I don't know. I'll let you decide on that decision. All I know is I feel good and that makes a lot of difference.